Crushes

It's hard to get by being lonely, even worse when you're surrounded by people you like.

Quick

Everyone's around when you're fine.  When you're not, no one's around. Makes it difficult to believe all the sriacha  cream cheese goodness, spread all over your food, isn't really there to taste good, its there to tease you and just to make you sick eventually.

Airplanes

If I had any guts I'd already be gone.

 

Do Not Disturb

It feels good walking into a room and knowing that your phone charger will be where you left it . No maid has moved it or youve lost it in some bar or that youve forgotten you lent it to a friend at his house during a night of forced cards against humanity. Home. Home is where you can sleep naked. For me its been in hotel rooms for the past two weeks and it feels good to know that i dont have to put up a do not disturb. Been a wild past few weeks. Between watching a friend get bit by dogs and almost run over dogs, people I thought were shady be nice, people i thought were nice be shady, ride with Quadzilla through the streets on sheeps pelt, stare myself in the eye through thousands of dollars worth of gold, drink at a bar where old people talk about the negative influence of family guy, make money, take money, buy things, lose things, talk to new girls, realize that for some reason girls just generally lie about their age, encounter friends when least expected, treat myself, and treat others, its just good to be at a place where I feel safe to take my socks off. Where I dont have to look through plated glass and order cigarettes through a carousel. I think maybe Ive just been spoiled recently. Cuz seeing shit, just seems to make me homesick.

Fogged

Didn't realize that I was flooding my sober mind this whole time. There's just too much noise that I can't hear my thoughts anymore.  Don't function well alone. My mom told me that when I was young and I didn't believe her. She's never been wrong. Sharpness is blurred. It's similar to waking up and going through the morning routine without realizing you haven't put your glasses on. My own fault. What I once thought was fun and exciting now seems necessary if not unavoidable. I can't produce to the level I did six, four, or even one month ago. It's not a block. It's more of a bottle that's endless and I can't find footing on the bottom. Just keep sinking.

January

Slowing down and staying focused. I've been trying to read more. This year is off to a fast start and the days are flying off the calendar. Today I've got a Star Wars party to go to. Tonight I've got some dice to play. Lose it all, gain it back.

Temptation Aint Motivation

Livin it up since the Wouldn't Be Here show. Humbling experience that left me with enough doe to quit another job and reign in the new year flexin. Booked a flight to Hawaii with art money. Everything comes with a price. Need to get back to work and close 2014 behind me. 2015 is already 5 days old and another kid I grew up with lies dead. Stay focused.