January

Slowing down and staying focused. I've been trying to read more. This year is off to a fast start and the days are flying off the calendar. Today I've got a Star Wars party to go to. Tonight I've got some dice to play. Lose it all, gain it back.

Peripheral Vision

I've been alone too long. My peripheral vision keeps fucking with me and I see shadows move in the dark. There's nothing there when I look. Are they just my imagination or am I losing it?

I had a horrible nightmare the other day when I fell asleep after running errands. In it I was driving some car down a busy highway. Lightning struck my windshield and everything went dark. I could still feel the car around me but all I could see was this blinding jagged cut in the windshield. Sound was crushing my ear drums. Just this unbelievable droning of crashes and booms. I tried to stop the car when I got struck by the lightning but I lost control of it. It seemed to act on it's on, accelerating and swerving all by itself. Eventually the light from the windshield faded and the I went deaf from the sound. All I was left with was the sensation of running over everything in my path. The car felt like it was running over bodies but I couldn't see hear screams and I couldn't see. The car took me faster and faster until it spun out wildly and I woke up.

A dozen eggs in dirty bath water.

Switchin up sizes tryin new shit. This new studio is helping me push myself. It's strange to not paint in my bedroom anymore. I've noticed myself building routines to keep up with the production of new and better work. Sucks however when everything else gets in the way. If I can just figure out how to distance myself from everything more. Juggling working at this frame shop, painting, hustling my other random shit, making time to meet people and make friends, stay up on new hip hop coming out. There's just so much that competes for attention. I just found out they put up the last episodes of Breaking Bad on Netflix. There goes my night. Strawberry Eggos with bacon and dippy eggs.

That's That.

 

End of 2013 is swiftly approaching. What a crazy year it's been. Do a recap later. Now more than ever the future is uncertain. Sometimes its lonely selling your soul to the devil. But that's that. Make your bed and leave it.

 

Beware of leftovers this holiday season.

 



Slumped

 

Lying there exhausted, too tired to move from the sofa to the bed. Wrapped up in an old blanket and watching reruns of Law and Order SVU. The sun is shining for what seems like forever. It's blinding. Night can't come fast enough. Everything slows down in the dark. What matters in the light of day seems to fade away in the darkness. It eats away and I'm always to blame. Nauseous.

 

Suffocated. 



The Maiden in the Tower

 

The prince, out for a stroll with the royal homies, split from the group to take a piss. Off the beaten path the prince looked for a good place to relieve himself when suddenly a beautiful but eerie sound came in with an easterly breeze. Cursing his aim the prince shook his boot free of a puddle of urine. Intrigued, he parted the bush and ventured towards the source of the mysterious sound.

Deeper into the forest, the canopy was so dense that the prince was stumbling in the dark, listening. Following his ears the prince tripped and stumbled through tangled roots and darkness until he was so close that the sound seemed to be swirling around him in the darkness. He looked upwards towards the highest branches and realized he was standing at the foot of an enormous tower beneath impossibly tall trees. A small light flickered at the top of the tower, from its solitary window.

The prince stood below calling out to the window. He circled the tower finding no door nor stair. All the while the strange sound continued, getting faster and heavier. Higher pitches were now screaming across the woods. Now completely surrounded by darkness at the foot of the tower, the prince saw a shadow dancing on the wall of the room with the flickering light. A terrifying howl, or was it a moan, screeched from the window. The prince, horrified, ran away from the tower realizing where he had heard this sound before. When he was a boy in the hallway outside his parents room.

Again he ran, again with pants soaked in horror.

Leftovers

 

Runnin amok! The starving artist exists. Chubby artists are steadily in the mix. Pork on White Bread with a hefty dose of gravy and a slam of mashed potato. Clogs the arteries for the perfect length of time. I feel warm enough and full enough to get up and get mine. Trouble comes when I put a drink in on top and I either spew my guts or get knocked the fuck out. The former provides better contrast on white paper. Especially if I'm chugging Monsters.  Do you mind? I'm tryin to build a kingdom here.

Fur

 

I wont be wearing my fur jackets being in happy cow country. They are in my closet. Waiting for the day I drive off into the white out. It might be sick but I miss Penndot trucks.

Chew

Used love is my favorite love. Left vulnerable we have no choice but to retreat beneath our own scars, succumb to our injuries mental and physical and focus on our woes. There are so many things competing for our attention on a daily basis that often times the last thing we focus on are ourselves. I think selfish is a term that gets a bad rap. I think everyone needs to be more selfish. It's not like we all have time for therapists. Be more selfish.

Hot Pockets.

I've been living in Santa Rosa California for two weeks now. It is exactly how I pictured it minus what I was told about regarding the pizza. It aint half bad.

The West Coast seems to be faster and slower than what I'm used to on the East Coast. Traffic is non stop and I have no idea where all these people are going. They drive fast and rush through yellow lights. I've gone out drinking a few times and people get drunk fast here too. Maybe I'm just slow. I got my first Cali girl number only to find out she was from Oklahoma, which didn't matter anyway cuz apparently it's creepy to leave whispering voicemails at 4 am 3 nights in a row.

After the cross country road trip and my three days in Vegas I literally made it here with $40 in my pocket. Sold my first paintings last week, and I've lined up my first show to be around Christmas so keep an eye out for that shit. I went and did this weird studio walk where artists open their homes and sell plastic wrapped prints out of laundry bins. The art scene is booming out here but I don't really understand that either. A lot of the artists I met yesterday had this weird twitch in their eyes. Or they were glazed over and their forced smiles were twitching. A lot of twitchers.

Everyone out here is a hustler. I think that's my favorite part of this place A lot of cutthroat cowboys and yoga rockin b girls. In the grocery stores here I've witnessed on multiple occasions this thing that I can only really call a yoga bikini. In the frozen food isle I'm alone with my head in a freezer and I pull out and beside me is this girl and her nipples are piercing this thin black fabric while her ass is trembling from the snow coming out of the ice cream cooler. She smiled at me and I immediately shoved my head back into the hot pockets until she walked away.

Layer Mask

We all see things throughout our lives that shape who we are as an person from that moment on. Sometimes for the good, but most times, these hard experiences change us into something we weren't. We put up the barriers, make the masks, wear the scars. They are there the rest of our lives. Sometimes you can get away with it, sometimes people wont' care. Sometimes people won't notice that you've got this façade shielding you're wounds, covering up, hiding. I notice. I can notice. Cuz I wear the mask too.

@rt 30 Exhibit

Sup yall good shit comin! Today me and Brian installed the Westmoreland @rt30 exhibit and it opens up to the public in two days. Here's a few pics of the show and the super secret casa de la McCall that I felt way too lame to be in. Cheers

Sent a picture of this place to my mom and she said "You need that." Ya I kinda agree, my lungs hurt from painting like a weirdo in my basement.

 

I got completely blown out of the water by this dude. My horrible phone pictures do them no justice, chief example is those legs, they are so sexy in person that you wont even notice my pale pasty swimsuit model next to it. Plus his girls have bush bulge. Which, as you should know, I love.

 

Here's a link to Westmoreland's page for the show.

https://www.facebook.com/events/159109647587737/?notif_t=plan_user_joined

Here's where you can check out Brian's work

https://www.facebook.com/BrianAllenMcCall?fref=ts

http://www.flickr.com/photos/brianmccall/

 

See ya next week.

Westmoreland

 

It's official! The press has been released and I can finally show you guys a sample of what's to come.

On August 9, 2013, myself, along with Brian McCall, and Joe Wos invite you to the first ever Pop Up Exhibition at the Westmoreland Museum of American Art. Brian and Joe are both incredible artists and I am stoked to show alongside them.

I'm going in hard on this one. Shooting to have nearly 100 new paintings and sketches for the show that are all completely different then what you've seen me do to date. It's a culmination of everything that's happened and how I've progressed over the past year. Everything's been leading up to this and I can guarantee that this will be my craziest work yet.

So in the interim, forgive me for being distant and probably being a bit on edge, I haven't been sleeping much. I'll keep you up to speed on further press releases and details about the show as I get them. You can also keep an eye out on the Westmoreland site,

http://www.wmuseumaa.org/museum/exhibitions.cfm
 

Leading the Trampede.

 

The ladies walk right past me and I catch a scent off their overpowering perfumes. The different fragrances mixing together in the air like a martini shaker at a dive bar, set to knock me on my ass upon closer inspection. I go in anyway.

 

I have a hard time talking with women. Not all of them but when I'm intersted in knowing more about a girl I'm very shy. It has to do with how infrequently I'm attracted to anyone anymore. I love people dont get it twisted but it has been a long time since I felt the urge to pursue a relationship on a more romantic level. Maybe I'm just kidding myself and the real reason I have a hard time with relationships is because I'm impossible to deal with. Maybe it has nothing to do with my shyness its just how ungodly stupid I can be.

 

That's when I say fuck it and sleep with the big girls cuz its more fun anyways.

 





Sweet Tea

More Drawings. More Mc Donalds Sweet Teas. I've been drinking those constantly since I moved, nearly every time I drive by the place I go in and get one. Yea Yea I know I should just make my own like I used to but fuck off. My old roommate filled my gallon jugs with some pickled food and has yet to wash that shit out so my container just sits there, filled with old pickled shit and no tea.

 

The new place is treating me pretty good. I've got this tv that Jon and Louise left me and it distracts. Uncle Buck marathon or drawing? Matrix block or painting? Adventure Time or computer work? Yea easy choices. You can see my dilema.

 

For the last few days I've been sitting at Eljays and coming up with a music playlist with Frankie. He's been writing his horror story like a mad man. Makes me feel like a bum which is good. It's been a while since someones work ethic has shamed mine. We just take a break from reality while he minds the shop and listen to music. It's a break we both need. I fly so high when Im stoned. Taxi by Harry Chapin. Charlie I'm pregnant. Waits.

 

I'm off to a bon fire.

 

Beware



Trying new things in drawing and with the ladies. You guys hear the new pick up line about that kid show? Ive seen this shit work. Go up and tell a girl she reminds you of that show Yo Gabba Gabba. Ive witnessed this work for two seperate dudes with three different ladies. They love that! I really dont get it but you cant argue the results. I havent tried it yet, really havent hit on a chick in a while. Im notorious for being reserved not because Im shy or some shit I just get bored easily and havent met too many chicks that make me wunna shoot the lobster sauce. Psyche I just look for the big booty and the high cheek bones.

Here's the paintings I never showed from the Social Status show. Lot more work to do, big gig at a museum in a few months and more permanent gigs to kick ass at.

Girl Heads

So I've been going to the casino lately and winning. Not much yet but Ive gone twice and havent lost. My friend and I have a very strict system we follow and for the most part it hasnt let us down. Stick to the plan and pull out when youre winning. I did these sketches on paper with watercolor and ink I got with my winnings from bacarat and black jack.

When I sell a piece I start thinkin about the zeros. The Green ones. I dont even see the red and black I see the green. It's a magical color that green. Symbol of the struggle, symbol of the underdog, symbol of success, of failure, of speed, of life, of death. And I hardly ever use that color

Bloody.



I dont owe you shit.