Leading the Trampede.

 

The ladies walk right past me and I catch a scent off their overpowering perfumes. The different fragrances mixing together in the air like a martini shaker at a dive bar, set to knock me on my ass upon closer inspection. I go in anyway.

 

I have a hard time talking with women. Not all of them but when I'm intersted in knowing more about a girl I'm very shy. It has to do with how infrequently I'm attracted to anyone anymore. I love people dont get it twisted but it has been a long time since I felt the urge to pursue a relationship on a more romantic level. Maybe I'm just kidding myself and the real reason I have a hard time with relationships is because I'm impossible to deal with. Maybe it has nothing to do with my shyness its just how ungodly stupid I can be.

 

That's when I say fuck it and sleep with the big girls cuz its more fun anyways.

 





The Lumber Yard

I started my first job when I was 15. I'm from a very small town in the country and I lived within a mile of a lumber yard. One of my friends worked there right before I decided to try my hand as a lumber jack and he told me it was hard work but there were moments that it was the best job he could ever want. I wound up getting the job and experiencing what my friend had talked about, along with the difficulties he hadn't mentioned.

I started working in that yard after school from 4-7 everyday and on the weekends. While I worked there my friend William and I both got injured a few times, he more than I because he was either a harder worker than me or just stupid. Broken bones, passing out from heat, frost bite, bloody shins, massive splinters, fire ant bites, wood chips in your eyes, burns from the diesel engine, ears bleeding from really bad country music that our boss used to play, and experiementing with broom handles.

Besides the work though there was friendship. William and I were already friends before I started but once I became and employee of the yard I met one of the most important people in my life. His name was Bob Snyder and he owned that yard for decades. Worked in rain, snow, and blistering heat for his entire life. I've never met anyone that has worked as hard and honestly as he had.

Bob's dead now. Killed in a car accident on his way to breakfast, or a delivery, I dont know yet. The funeral's Monday. He survived the accident but succumed to the wounds from being impaled through the face.

Bob wasn't much to mince words. He told you how it was and you listened. Not because of the whole listening to your elders shit, but because he lived his life the way he spoke. There wasnt any bullshit. He woke up everyday and worked. Didnt talk much just did what needed to be done.

So when the time came that I was moving on to my next job, I think it was Walmart or the machining factory I cant keep my jobs straight anymore, Bob told me one thing. The lumber business isnt for everyone so go out and find what your lifes work will be. Now when a man you respect says something like that to you, you not only listen, you act. I worked a lot of dead end jobs to get to where I am now and I've made a lot of mistakes, but it was all part of the ride of trying to figure out how I wanted to craft my life. What Bob said to me the day I quit working for him still echos in the decisions I make today and the decisions I'll make later down the road.

When I went back to my hometown last I got my little brother a job working for Bob. My brother didnt stay long, he left for another gig so I filled in for a few days while Bob got a new laborer. I talked with him at that point about the progress of things and he acted as if he new what I would turn out to be all along. This humble, hard working, and honest man said that I needed to focus on what I loved because we all have a limited time here. Dont waste time.

Dont waste time.

http://www.geiple.com/book-of-memories/1583046/Snyder-Robert/obituary.php


Love ya Bobby.

Doritos

When I was in eigth grade I was "dating" this chick who I only ever saw on the school bus. She lived within a mile of me and not only did I never even have her phone number (granted back then neither of us had cell phones but still we could have called eachothers house) we hardly ever hung out besides those 20 minute rides to school in the morning and the 20 minutes on the ride home.

I don't remember how long we went on like this and christ I cant even remember how long we were the hot item of the bus. Regardless, everytime she would get up and prepare to get off the bus at her house I'd hug her goodbye and sometimes kiss her lips. Back then that was a lot for me. I had the hottest chick on the bus and I was kissing her in front of a bus load of horny high school kids.

Then one day it all changed. She was eating leftovers from her lunch bag, prolly a whole bunch of different shit like nutty butters and skittles and sunny d but one food remained in my memory for the rest of my life. She was eating a bag of Doritos. When our last 20 minutes of the bus ride were coming to a close she was licking the remaing Doritos dust off her fingers and stashing the empty bag in her backpack. Before the bus could stop at her house she laughed at something I said and grabbed my face and pulled me below the seat so we couldnt be seen by the other kids and she kissed me like she had never kissed me before. Her wet tongue jammed into my mouth and rubbed across my teeth and gums, then tangled with my virgin tongue, all the while leaving a snail trail of Dorito slime across all surfaces of my mouth. I retched but kept it under control until she released me from her kiss and got up and left the bus. I didnt sit with her after that and we broke up soon after. I also never ate Doritos again.

Until yesterday.

I was at a house party chillin with a lot of great people, good food, and good drinks. I was drinkin pretty hard, tryin to figure shit out in my head. Dangerous thoughts for any drunk person. It had been that kind of week. I got a handle of it and I was sitting on a couch playing some card game with the homies all the while chowing on the chips and salsa laid out in front of me. One of my friends leans over and asks me if I realized what I was eating. He has known me for the past few years and had seen on multiple occasions my violent reaction to being forced to try Doritos, seen me avoid the chip isle because my revulsion, seen me eat at the KFC side of the split KFC/Taco Bells becasuse of that Dorito taco craze going on right now. He asked if I knew that I was eating Doritos. I had no idea.

All the memories from a time where I enjoyed the chip came rushing back in a moment. Nearly a decade of avoidance due to trauma on my part cost me the enjoyment and friendship of a truly beautiful snack. It was that easy. I was free.

The Dorito inncident all those years ago in the sticky fumblings of a 20 minute bus ride cost me nearly a decade of flavor. All it took for me to get my life back was a choice. A choice to try something new in front of me, taking a risk, enjoying the time I spend now, how I choose too. After my friend told me I was eating what for a decade was forbidden I was surprised at how I reached for more, tried cool ranch, tried original, continuing to crush it all.

Then today I made the connection. It was never about the Doritos. Aside from the disgust I felt at having someone elses chewed food all through my own mouth, any one of my favorite snacks could have been ruined that day. It was Doritos and for almost a decade of my life I forbade myself from something that I once enjoyed. It seems so silly now to write off things in your life from simply one bad experience, never giving second chances, never compromising. How oblivious I have been and limiting because of past experiences. I can apply this feeling to most aspects of my life be it love, friendships, work, or food. To make a conscious decision to never eat Doritos again, never love again, never walk down that alley again, never try a new book, it's incredibly limiting and exhausting. I missed out on so much already because of fear, paranoia, or stupidity. It's something I challenge within myself daily and this recent battle left me with a small victory.

I never know whats going to happen and I love that. Im down for the ride even more now then ever, and now you may even catch me with a bag of Doritos riding shotgun.

 

Fuck Swag.